He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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