Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
