Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
