i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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