He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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