I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
