I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
