there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
