I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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