the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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