Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
