..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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