Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
