and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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