Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Vodka?
Forever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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