Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
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Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my poor anus
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