i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
