your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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