Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
