How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
