Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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