Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
