Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
