I got chris browned last night
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
