if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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