i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
