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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
