So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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