you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
