Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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