they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
