Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize