if you like me you must not know who I am
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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