so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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