After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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