Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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