ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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