if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
