I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm like, not good at living.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
