Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
