I CAN MOONWALK!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
