I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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