I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
