did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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