ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
