I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
