I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
