i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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