Kiss
Puke
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
