Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
