I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
