I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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