Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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