if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
