Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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